I'm not a good person. They think that I am.  I've done some bad things in my life and I know that, eventually, it will all catch up to me.  However, I can't stop what I do.  It's in my nature.  I know that the past defines me and makes me the person that I am.  There are times when I like who I am.  Most of the times, I don't.  It's like a drug.  I can't stop being me and I don't know another way.  

Everyone is always giving me suggestions about ways to stop my urges.  They don't understand. They think it is like a switch.  To turn on or off.  It's not.  It's like a default action that happens when I'm too tired to think or am not concentrating. They don't understand that it's who I am.  Or maybe they do.  Maybe they are giving me the suggestions because they want themselves to feel better.  Not because they want to really help.